Monday, June 21, 2010

Stress Inducing Shittiness

This disease feeds off stress and I've been under an incredibly amount of it for the past five weeks, climaxing into this past weekend and tapering off to today. It's still there, though, this cloud that is just hovering.

As a result, my blood pressure and blood sugar has been haywire, my pulse is lowered and then my heart races at times, I go for hours just trembling, shooting pains dash through my head and stress-induced fevers and cold sweats haunt me randomly. I can't sleep, which pushes me to the point of desperation. That's why I'm here tonight, waiting for my tylenol pm to set in.

In the next couple of days, I'm going to have to find a place of solitude and peace. For the sake of my health, I don't have much choice.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Well, that was interesting

Okay, let's never do that again, okay?


The past three days (or was it four, I cannot even remember) I want to block from my memory and never relive again. I've never in this Lyme Disease journey....ugh. That was horriffic.

Due to the extreme Herxheimer reaction, I stopped that antibiotic (doxy) day before yesterday and felt almost immediate relief. Yesterday I was nearly back to my normal energy and pain levels. Today I'm a little tired but really, I'm cutting myself some slack considering the lack of sleep and extreme pain I was dealing with just two days ago.

This disease is a mystery and living with it every day is like trying to solve a riddle. What's overwhelming is when I feel like there's no solution (like I did three days ago) and like there's nothing I can do for myself. That's when the desperation sets in.

Today is a new day and it's a day of celebration.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

battling and losing sometimes

I don't complain much but some days it feels like I'm desperately losing this battle.

My fatigue has reached exponential levels. And silly me, I don't slow down until my body absolutely shuts me down. Through this journey I've learned to listen to my body but sometimes I want to live like I'm not hosting this bacteria.

The good news is that this cycle will end, my strength will slowly return and so will my energy levels. I've just got to ride this wave out. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, right?

In the meantime, my page is blank, my eyes are burning, my knees are probably gonna need the heating pad soon and I'm going to need to take about a 15-minute nap before moving on with my day.