Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Take what's yours, leave what's mine

I don't like giving my Lyme disease more of a platform then it already has in my life.

But it's not going to keep me silent either.

I'll be honest - living life with this disease sucks sometimes but my life is wonderful. One of my personal philosophies is that everything happens for a reason and while I would like to not be inhibited by this bacteria, my body is host to it and therefore I will live with it, learn about it, combat it, but live my wonderful life.

Today I fought through intense nausea and dizziness to make a nice dinner for my family. Sure, I had to lean heavily against the counter at times, take a break while mixing cookie dough and move a little slower. But I wasn't going to let it steal that moment from me.

That's a part of me it cannot have.

Yes, it can take my breath at times.
Yes, it can redirect my attention from doing the dishes to sitting on the couch for a minute.
Yes, it slows me midstep.

But I keep breathing. I keep walking.

There are only so many things I'm willing to let it have.

I have to know that I have a choice.

Yes, there are afternoons it puts me in bed.
Yes, it has hidden a few memories from my mental view.

But I won't give it the satisfaction of halting me. It can't have me.

I will always fight this thing and its level of control over my life.

I'm not willing to roll over and surrender to it just yet.

1 comment:

  1. I'm rereading some of these posts because it's been so long that I don't quite remember the whole journey.
    After reading this post I have to say, for the millioneth time, that I absolutely adore you. You are such a strong and courageous woman! You are a fighter and so brave and, more often than not, you are victourious.
    I have always loved and respected you because you are such a wonderful example of what a true woman is, but I respect you even more because you are that despite of (and perhaps because of) LD. I am so blessed to have a friend like you in my life!